Nintendo Confirms Wii Mini for US; No One Cares
Well, talk about the most pointless, useless announcement in the world. Yep, Nintendo of America has now confirmed the Wii Mini is going to be released in the US, for the exactly two morons who’ll actually buy it.
In case you don’t know what this console is, it’s basically the most dumbed down, useless version of the Wii in existence. Not a Wii U, the old type Wii. With no online multiplayer functionality, no backwards compatibility with Gamecube games and not a whole lot of reasons to even exist. In other words, a brand confusion marketing nightmare just waiting to happen. Find the official announcement after the break.
Here’s the press release, which tries and fails to make a terrible piece of crap sound even somewhat appealing:
The Wii console was a cultural phenomenon when it was released to the world in 2006. To continue this legacy and share the fun with as many people as possible, Nintendo is launching the Wii mini console in the U.S. at a suggested retail price of only $99.99. That is a tremendous value for families and people who have yet to join one of the most iconic and talked-about pop-culture trends of the last decade. Wii mini is a smaller, redesigned version of Wii that plays the entire library of more than 1,300 Wii games. The compact system is matte black with a red border, and comes with the Mario Kart Wii game, a red Wii Remote Plus controller and a red Nunchuk controller. While availability will differ somewhat according to location, shoppers can expect to see Wii mini in stores by the middle of November.
“Wii mini offers the same fun experience as Wii, which has been enjoyed by millions of people around the world,” said Scott Moffitt, Nintendo of America’s executive vice president of Sales & Marketing. “And it comes packaged with Mario Kart Wii, a multiplayer Mario racing game that is one of the best-selling Wii games. At such a great price, it is an extraordinary value for shoppers this holiday season.”
Wii is the best-selling system of this generation with more than 100 million units sold globally. Wii mini is for those who don’t own a Wii console and want to enjoy a ton of great Wii games on a stylish system at an affordable price. It is also for families who want an additional console in another room, allowing siblings and friends to play while the rest of the family enjoys other entertainment and games on the main living room TV screen. While Wii mini is not compatible with the Internet and will not allow online functionality when playing games, select multiplayer games can still be played locally with friends and families, which is the ideal way to enjoy such entertaining games like Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Mario Kart Wii.
As a companion to the Wii mini system, a large collection of Nintendo Selects Wii games is available at a suggested retail price of only $19.99 each. These games include modern classics like Super Mario Galaxy, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and Super Paper Mario. In addition, three newly discounted Wii games – Super Mario Galaxy 2, New Super Mario Bros. Wii and Wii Sports Resort – are also available at a suggested retail price of $29.99 each. With an existing, extensive library of classic games available at such low prices, Wii mini demonstrates the value and variety Nintendo is offering this holiday season.
The bolded is the most hilarious though. Come on, just look at it:
Wii Mini offers the same fun experience as the Wii
No it doesn’t. Because it has no way to connect online, so Mario Kart Wii is at least half unplayable on the console and other games like Super Smash Bros Brawl lose at least a significant amount of their appeal.
You also can’t buy WiiWare or Virtual Console games, use any more interesting Wii channels, use the message board to any degree… what’s the point?
And it comes packaged with Mario Kart Wii, a multiplayer Mario racing game that is one of the best-selling Wii games.
Indeed it is. However, with the Wii Mini, you can’t play Mario Kart Wii online, so no online play, no leaderboards, no tournaments… in other words, a significantly nerfed version of a Wii classic.
Why not package a single player game instead?
At such a great price, it is an extraordinary value for shoppers this holiday season.”
An extraordinary value? Wow, they can’t even get the bloody grammar right… But that aside, the bolded part is hilarious.
So wait, in a time of year where the Wii U complete with Mario 3D World and a bunch of new Wii style games, the Xbox One, the PS4, the 3DS and 2DS with Pokemon X and Y, Link Between Worlds and Mario Party and various other things are coming out, you think a version of a five year old system with less features that it had to begin with is good value?
Nintendo of America’s marketing staff are officially idiots.
Oh and parents and other potential ‘buyers’?
Don’t even bother with this piece of crap.
Instead, either buy a Wii U, a 3DS, a 2DS or even just an old fashioned normal Wii without the word ‘Mini’ in the title. All offer much better value than this terrible thing.
It’s not worth $99.99. Heck, it’s not even worth $50.
As for Nintendo…
The Wii Mini is a terrible, terrible idea. It’s already failed in the UK, it’s likely already failed in Japan and no one likes it in other regions like Canada or Australia either. And not only will it fail in the US (for a multitude of obvious reasons), but it’ll just cause even more brand confusion at Christmas with the Wii U being promoted at the exact same time.
Please, for the love of anyone, give up on this thing. Fire the idiot responsible for coming up with it. Promote the Wii U at long last. The Wii Mini is just horrible.